"Your Job is Easy"

Them: Your job is so easy, all you have to do is sit and nod!

Me:

I listen. Genuinely and patiently. To the happy stories and the heartbreaking ones. The ones they probably never shared with anyone else in their entire lives. I take them seriously and don't instantly dismiss their point. I don't infantilise, even if (or rather especially if) they are kids. I don't minimise their worries. I don't jump to giving them solutions or advice. I don't assume that they are not as intelligent as me.

I probe. I make mental connections to what they told me last month or sometimes even last year. I practise something called "double listening" - what they are saying and what is not being said - what are the cracks in the narrative? How are they making me feel right now? What's happening in this room here and now as they speak about their childhood trauma?

I decide if I want to play the role of a co-researcher or an emotional regulator. I don't let my multi-layer thinking distract me from them, EVER. I let myself flow with them.

I let my face reflect that I'm with them. I listen with my entire body. I want to make them feel less alone. I want to hold them with my words. With my silence. I want to express that I'm trying to put myself in their shoes to capture the essence of EVERYTHING they're telling me right now. I want to show them with my whole being that they matter. Because they do!

If there was at least ONE person in their lives to play this part, my job wouldn’t have been needed.